It’s been three months since my last blog post… No this is not confession, more of a epiphany. 7 1/2 months ago I was tired. I was DONE with photography, creating, art, my business. DONE. I was tired of hearing ‘why should we use you to photograph us when we can pay $X and have so and so do them’. Cue closing door noise. I was done.
I have never felt SO beaten down as I did last September. There truly was a lot going on in my life and trying to set up a business in the USA is NOT easy. There’s so many hoops and paperwork to sort out that it drained me. I asked hubs to take over the roll- one which he did with great gusto. Enter Christmas mini sessions and I said here is the line in the sand, this is what I charge and I did not (for once) waiver. It felt good to EARN money. Although it wasn’t a huge deal, I wasn’t shooting for free and I was comfortable with the numbers.
I got to buy the Christmas presents myself, for everyone, for the first time in a long time. You have no idea how liberating that is.
Fast forward to March 2016 and I had all but left the business again. Things were quiet and I wasn’t ‘working’ my business. The negatives I had been listening to for so many years, and absorbing them without realizing, had taken over and I didn’t know where to begin again. The fire was definitely out. I didn’t realize one bit because my other few business’ were growing and I was contented with what WAS working I didn’t realize that it would all come back to bite me.
I had connected with Somer and Katy in early 2015 when we first came to VA and I was looking for a studio to possibly hire. We kept in touch and as they developed their Modern Femme Movement I followed along and tried to get to their events. When they mentioned a conference I REALLY wanted to go. At that time money and time were not on my side so I had to pass up early registration.
The girls put out a call for nominations for people to win a ticket and Hubby must have seen this, or slept typed a message to Modern Femme and nominated me to win their ticket to the three day conference in May 2016.
I woke up one day to this all over my Facebook wall: (which was totally awesome)
We received the SWEETEST nomination from her very own husband…
“She is my wife, mother to our children and my sweetheart. She runs two businesses successfully whilst feeding and caring for our three children. She is patient, kind and I couldn’t ask for a better soul mate to share my life with. I think being part of the convention would put her in touch with more like minded business women who will lift her up and encourage her. I’ve seen the biggest change in her the past six months and I can’t wait to see what the next few years has in stock for us. Plus I know she is dying to go but would never ask for the time away from the kids.”
A million ❤ for such a powerful gesture of true love and partnership in life. Congratulations Jules!! The founders of Curatti were incredibly touched by your nomination and so excited to share this special gift with you.
Holy crap I WAS GOING!
SO, fast forward again to May and I was off to an evening ‘social’ event. I signed up for Affirmation frames which I read as the opportunity to colour in with adults. Completely up my alley!
I got to create a little frame with blossoms I coloured in as the backdrop and chose the affirmation, “If not now, when?” I really should have read the signs then and there.
I met a woman in particular that I was drawn to. I didn’t get to talk to her very much that night but I told her I would find her during the following two days and talk more.
The conference itself began with the funniest, most poignant speaker I have heard for a while. It was like she was reading my outer layer by wrote. Dr Christine Bacon spoke of ‘The truth about Superwoman’. My biggest take away from her speech was;
“Real women dont have it ALL together ALL of the time.”
At this point in my life I need to clarify something. I have not cried for any reason for over 18 months. I’m REALLY good at building walls and boy did I have no idea that they were about to come down this weekend.
I loved how she spoke about how being happy did not mean that I would be naieve or blind to negativity in life, I could recognise both good and bad, I just CHOSE to focus more on the good.
Next up I went into a class on how to build meaningful relationships. Through some clever games and physical interacting and laughter that class came to an end. I had a feeling leaving that room that each of us that participated just bared a part of ourselves that most people we had known for a lifetime hadn’t seen in a while. Those were my people, they were part of something far bigger than I could have anticipated.
With a break happening, I went to sign up for some free life coaching and was able to see Dr Rachel Scott almost right away. As I sat down with her I realised I had NO clue why I was there or how she could help me. I just knew I had to talk to her for some reason. I felt ridiculous when she asked me how she could help me. I squeaked back that I had no clue. So we started at the top and I spoke to her about what business’ I run and how each of them were going for me. She bore straight though me and asked a few really straight questions. I literally had no words to answer her with. She gave me some homework to consider and directions to consider and I headed off to lunch with some friends.
I tried to find my room after lunch and accidentally walked into a talk hosted by Melissa and Danijel Velicki from The Opus Group. Talk about the universe kicking you in the butt and putting you where you NEED to be. His first resonating line, “what do you dream about?” then “You CAN change your destiny WHEN YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU’RE DOING“
So I hadn’t worked out what that exactly was but I started to feel the walls inside shifting a little. Danjiel spoke about where he had come from, what hurdles he had to get past in his life and how he got to where he is now. His recipe for success? Keep it simple stupid- something my mum had told me time and time again as a kid. I heard her coaching her hockey girls with the exact same words. Light bulb.
My biggest take away;
“Bet on the person in the mirror, figure it out and DO it”
I left that day so overwhelmed with awesome information and inspiration that I drove home the 30minute drive in silence. No music on the radio, not even a phone call home. I just had to be silent and let the words arrange themselves where they needed to be.
I tried to talk to Chris about it that night, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t in a place where I could explain it all to him just yet. I had no idea that day three would absolutely knock me over and light a fire under my butt
Jodi Melissa Slaughter was the person who had fire in her amazing heels the following morning. (I’m a shoe girl and her’s were amazing!). She spoke with such passion and knowledge it was a great way to begin the final day. She got us to write down our biggest dream on a note card and our biggest fear on the other. At the end when she told us to shred the fears/negative comments, we had to tell her a positive about ourselves.
I have NEVER in my life wanted to hold onto something negative SO much. It took me an age to get up and walk over to the shredder. I had decided to say ‘I am worth it’. Not stepping out of my comfort zone right? Holy crap I couldn’t. I could not shred that stupid paper and I barely could look at Jodi and say those little words. I. AM. WORTH. IT. |
Almost bursting into tears the second time she asked me what I had mumbled (haha) I pulled my shit together and said I am worth it. I knew I didn’t believe it either but it was my first step towards believing it.
I went and sat with Amy Latta for some more coaching as I wanted to find out more about why I couldn’t price my work. What was with that? I couldn’t stand in front of someone and say, ‘My name is Julie Clyde, I am a portrait photographer and my packages start at $250, yet I could sell skincare to anyone and tell them exactly how much it is and how easy it is to use We got down the the bare bones of the issue. I didn’t BELIEVE I was worth it. I didn’t believe and still currently working on believing that I am good at something or talented. I could accept I am SKILLED but anything past working hard was out of my comfort zone. I am working with Amy to help get over myself so I can go forwards.
One piece of homework from her was to print one of my digital compositions and see it in person.
I followed the rest of the day with Stephanie Nickolich, who I think my future self will be more in tune with but she had a lot of quality information. I just wasnt ready to hear it just yet. Her best take away was ‘Ditch the excuses and take action‘. Yep- working on it 🙂
I followed lunch with Stephanie Nissen. She’s the queen of Twitter and building your business via social media. She was incredible too. Every speaker I heard were fabulous. Steph cracked me up because she was telling us all how to have a working social media platform and as she was talking I was creating a new twitter account. As I realised how rude that was, I looked up and saw the entire room was doing the same thing. I am pleased to tell you my new twitter account is @JClydeCreative. I’d love to see you there.
Over the three days I had been manifesting some gorgeous artworks that were up for raffle and realised the lady from the affirmations class had created them. I was SO interested in talking to her I went and had a cuppa with her during our last break for the weekend. I seriously could have spoken to her for a lifetime and it would never be long enough. She is an incredible woman, talented, generous with her time, loving and just plain awesome. We ran a little over time and busted our butts back upstairs to listen to the final speaker.
I finished the conference listening to and dying of laughter because of Jamie Primark. AKA The Universe’s meanest mum, CAWFEETAWK host, JerseyBelle, speaker and in my opinion comedian and a half. I did this sitting next to my new friend Bertie (we snuck in late together) and I had not snort laughed in public for a very long time until this moment. She was the perfect ending to a crazy few days.
As the tearful speeches came to a close my name was called. I had won something. I NEVER win a thing! Seriously. As I went up to collect my prize I realised I had won one of Bertie’s BEAUTIFUL artworks! The words on it were so fitting to what I had learned that weekend I burst into tears walking back to my seat and back to her side.
“It’s not who you are that holds you back, It’s who you think you’re not”.
Universe mic drop.
I signed up for next year as soon as it was available and I have booked in for MFM2017 along with SO many new, supportive, amazing friends.
So, to bring you up to up to yesterday. I did Amy’s homework and had my first Dreamscape printed to give to the incredible woman that sponsored my ticket to MFM2016. I went live yesterday on Facebook when it arrived to open it with friends around. I was literally a shaking wreck. I’m not going to lie. The video is a little of the way down my page if you’d like to see my very first print– and also a little freaking out done by yours truly.
I’m working on me. I’m getting rid of the past negativity and I’m working on becoming my best self. I deserve it, Chris deserves it and my kids deserve it.
Small changes have already been made in our home and so far things feel awesome. I now know I self sabotage things when theyre good and I’m keeping a keen eye out. We have a plan in place and we’re working to it.
Cant wait to continue the next part of my creative adventure with you all as Julie Clyde Photography grows into Julie Clyde Creative.